Today, while working on my daily personal guidance, I received an important message that I was recommended to pass on publicly. My personal talent for writing was challenged in my childhood and this is a great opportunity for me to share my experience with you, while allowing myself to heal that wound.
The message translates as follows in my journal: “In written communication a weight weighs on me and limits my expression. However, an opening is made secretly, in my secret garden. My lucky star guides me faithfully, to cross the veil of my fears.
My guide calls on me to make some of my personal writings public. The heaviness of my past prevents me from clearly seeing the opportunity for healing that presents itself to me. By recognizing the shadow cast on my past experiences, I shine light on trauma in order to heal it.”
During this session, several images came to mind, notably that of my recent vacation and the shame that suddenly arose during a text message exchange and the fear of being rejected, judged or made fun of for having sent a message containing an error.
I realized that this feeling of shame is a form of punishment that I impose on myself so that I always look perfect, to protect me from judgments I internalized when I was still a growing child.
The message that emerges from this analysis is that, making a mistake is only human and that I have a tendency to forget that my errors can always be corrected with love and compassion. I realized that I have a deep blockage, linked to my education, which makes me fear publishing my writings and expressing myself in my daily life.
When I publish on this blog, it takes me back to my childhood, when I handed in my homework to teachers and waited for their judgment to find out whare my faults were. Today I realize that, for me, having someone rewrite over my work is a form of personal attack, which has taught me that when someone tells me I've made a mistake, I am in danger.
The roots of the dynamic of codependency and perfectionism are blatantly revealed here: not being able to control the way each individual understands the rules and their expectations, I chose to adapt to the expectations of all my teachers to survive, rather than expressing my needs and thus being supported as I deserved.
Today, I understand that these people are and were already at the time, individuals in their own right, who passed on to me not only their knowledge concerning certain subjects, but also their vision ofthe world and what 'they understood from their own human experience.
As an adult today and as a divination guide/trainer, I realize that self-regulation and observation are fundamental keys to balanced learning, in order to allow each student to discover their abilities. and their identity, while preventing me from projecting my own expectations onto them.
Error is human and it can be corrected, as long as we know how to receive it with love and compassion, clarity of conscience and kindness.
